When Someone Says, "I Experience Same-Sex Attractions"

Reassure

Thank them for their honesty and let them know that their struggles do not change how you see them. Reassure them that experiencing same-sex attractions is not a sin, though acting on such desires is (Jas. 1:14-15).

Remind

Remind them that all believers experience temptation that must be resisted (1 Cor. 10:13) and that rather than focusing on our fallen desires, our goal in life is to know Jesus and live a life yielded to Him (John 17:3; Gal. 5:17). Teach them how to connect with the Lord through daily Bible reading and prayer. Encourage them to pursue the baptism in the Holy Spirit and pray in tongues on a regular basis to strengthen their connection with the Lord and release their burdens to Him (1 Cor. 14:4; Jude 20).

Reframe

Reframe their perspective. They are not gay (as in the world's definition of an inborn, immutable orientation); they are experiencing deceitful desires and are on a journey of sanctification, dying to the old self with its deceitful desires, being made new in the attitude of their minds, and putting on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness (Eph. 4:22-24). Transformation is a lifelong journey of being conformed to the image of Christ (Rom. 8:29; 12:2). Know that, as a leader, your job is not to set people free but to connect them with Jesus, His body, and resources that put them on a lifelong trajectory toward transformation.

Relationships

Help them form relationships with believers of the same sex who can affirm them as a man among men or a woman among women. At its root, same-sex attractions is not a sexual issue but often results from an emotional-relational disconnect with the same sex. In short, we get hurt in relationships, and we can receive healing through healthy relationships. In addition to peer relationships, it's helpful to connect younger believers with older believers in the local church who can love them like spiritual parents. Toward that end, it also helps to cultivate healthy relationships with the opposite sex, especially for those who have been wounded earlier in life by the opposite sex.

Resource

Connect them with resources highlighting testimonies of other believers who have experienced transformation in the area of same-sex attractions so that they know they are not alone on their journey. The Such Were Some of You documentary (below) is a great resource. We also recommend Trans-Formation for everyone, Desires in Conflict for men, and Restoring Sexual Identity for women.

Refer

Refer them to professionals who can help. Many overcomers benefit from meeting with a Christian counselor or therapist to help them process issues that may contribute to the development of same-sex attractions, such as dysfunctional family patterns, codependency, and/or abuse. If you don't already have a trusted Christian counselor locally, the Restored Hope Network can offer suggestions of people with expertise in counseling those with same-sex attractions.

Reaffirm

Reaffirm that you love the fact that they're saying "no" to what so much of the world is saying "yes" to, that you're honored to walk alongside them, and that your only expectation of them is that they'll continue growing in faith and becoming the person God intends them to be (Phil. 1:6).

Recommended resources

Such Were Some of You (documentary)
Trans-Formation, Linda A. Seiler, PhD
Desires in Conflict, Joe Dallas
Restoring Sexual Identity, Anne Paulk